Thursday, June 19, 2014

The Search for the elusive "I"

Who am I?

Am I ....

Uday? Its just a name.

Man? Its just an identity.

Indian? Its just a Geographical accident.

Human Being? Its just a category.

Living Being? Its just an expression of Life.


Who am I?

Teacher? Its just a profession.

Tax payer? Its just a status.

Son? Its just a relationship.

Blogger? Its just an activity.

Questioner? Its just a search.


Who am I?

My body? its just a collection of matter.

My senses? They are just a set of apparatus.

My breath? Its just a body mind connection.

My mind? Its just a flow of thoughts.

My emotions? They are just my response to the world.


Who am I?

My ego? its just a mental modification.

Memories? These are just collected impressions.

Aren't all of the above just a modification of the five elements of creation?


Who am I?

Witness? Maybe.

Witness of what?

The witnessed creation.

The witnessed body mind ego.

The witnessed changes in creation body mind ego.


Who am I?

A witness? Maybe.

But can witness exist apart from creation?

If so, can I exist away from creation?

If I do, where, when and how?

Questions that demand answers in terms of time, place, and qualitity.

And time, place and qualities are all part of creation.



Who am I?

Nothing? Maybe.

But can Nothing put on a show?

Can Nothing appear as nothing?

Can Nothing appear as something?

Can Nothing appear as anything?

Can Nothing appear at all?


Then Who am I?

A witness that is at one with the creation?

A witness that is non different from creation?

A witness that is the creation?

A witness that survives creation?

But can this witness be a witness if there is no creation?

Isn't witness a status that comes with the witnessed?


Who am I? Good question.

I cannot be known through reasoning.

I am beyond the words and mind.

However I can be recoginzed through revelation in the form of words.


The scripture state that the mind along with the words

returned from the search without reaching the Self.

But the same scripture also state that

the Self is to be known through the mind alone.

A razor-sharp mind guided by the teacher is capable of

recognizing the Self in its true nature.


Who am I?

I am revealed as 

The "Conscious Witness" with reference to the creation.

And also as the "Conscious Self" without reference to creation.

The conscious witness does not disappear in the absence of creation.


Just because there is nothing to be witnessed

does not imply the absence of the witness.

The conscious witness remains as the conscious entity

witnessing the absence of creation.


I am revealed as the conscious witness

in whom creation appears, exists, and disappears.

There is only me existing in and through

all the comings and goings of creation.


My existence as the conscious witness is not an event 

that has to be witnessed by another.

Nor is my witnessing creation (or its absence) a process.


As the conscious entity

I simultaneously illumine both self and other

without any process.

I illumine the creation by my sheer nature of consciousness.

I illumine my own nature too by my sheer nature of consciousness.


I am self illumined, self aware, self known.

Not as an object of knowledge for eyes and mind

but as the entity that is the nature of illumination.

I am known not because i am an object of knowledge

but because it is my nature never to be unknown.


Self illumination does not depend on revelation.

Revelation is necessary not for illuminining my existence  

but for recognizing who I am.

"I am" is self existent.

"Who am I" is search.

"I am That" is the revelation.

"I am what I seek" is the story of the Individual

who has discovered oneness with with the Universe.



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